What If???

Where was I ten years ago? Graduating from Stetson University with a business degree.
Business.
I was born and raised on Long Island, and never thought of moving anywhere else. All through high school, I was positive I was heading for a career in medicine. One of my most cherished memories is my time as a volunteer on the maternity floor at a local hospital. I became a volunteer as soon as I turned 14, the minimum age requirement in New York. I worked at this same hospital until I graduated high school - two or three days each week, four hours each day. The nurses quickly became like a second family to me. Once we got to know each other, they bent a lot of the rules and allowed me to do – and observe - much more than the typical volunteer was allowed to. The nursery nurses would grab me and say things like, “We’re doing a spinal tap, would you like to watch?” Eventually, they arranged for me to work one day a week in the labor & delivery area (back then, the units were separate). No volunteer had ever worked there before. I was in heaven, and fully convinced I wanted to work in the medical field – specifically OB/GYN or NICU.
I have a slim gold bracelet the nurses gave me the last Christmas before I graduated, and a goodbye card signed “With much love, All the girls on OB.” I still remember their names….Kay, Kathleen, Sharon…...
After high school, I headed to Adelphi University in Garden City, NY. I had a full scholarship to their nursing school, with a pre-med focus (nursing was a fall-back career option in case I decided not to go to medical school). I was convinced I’d be back at the same hospital in a few years, this time as a physician-in-training.
How, then, did I end up in business school in Florida??
My first love - J.
I met him the summer before my first semester at Adelphi. He was between his freshman and sophomore years at a college in Daytona Beach, and returned to work at the same restaurant I had begun working at during my senior year. There was an instant, powerful connection between us. We dated exclusively all summer, and I was absolutely convinced we would be together for the rest of our lives.
Then the summer ended, and J changed.
He went back to school and broke off the exclusive, romantic part of our relationship. I was devastated.
I am fairly certain it was the pregnancy scare at the end of the summer that caused him to re-evaluate things. (Knowing now what I didn’t know then, I’m pretty sure I was pregnant and suffered an early miscarriage.)
That semester, I visited him a few times - desperate to hold on - and saw him often when he returned home on breaks. I was convinced that, if I followed him south, we’d get back together.
I found a map of Florida and compared it to the Barron’s college book, marking the towns with schools nearest to him.
I painstakingly researched the options, much to my parents’ chagrin.
J returned home for the summer, and our romance rekindled a bit.
I took this as a promising sign and proceeded to defy my parents, forego my full scholarship at Adelphi, and make arrangements to transfer to Florida my sophomore year.
Then the summer ended, and J changed – again.
I still moved to Florida, even though we weren’t romantically involved any longer. We were still good friends, and I needed him. Plus, I remained convinced we were meant to be together and determined to make that happen.
The ending to the story?
J remains one of my closest friends to this day. He’s come out of the closet and now lives with his longtime boyfriend in Atlanta.
I changed my major to “undecided,” since Stetson doesn’t have a nursing school. In exploring other options, I found I had a passion for marketing - a field I had not previously known existed. And I met my husband at Stetson.
The rest is history.
Some days, though, I wonder where my life would be had I made different choices?
What if I didn’t give up the full scholarship? What if I stayed at Adelphi, and fulfilled my longtime dream of becoming a doctor?
What if I met someone else, in NY, and my feelings for J weakened?
What if the “pregnancy scare” with J had grown into a full-term baby, and I had a 13-year-old child today?
It truly amazes me how, looking back, the chain of life-altering decisions were made not by me alone, but through a higher power’s guidance. We do not create our path and lead ourselves down it; we merely follow the path laid out for us by God.
In case you are wondering, two songs usually set off my pensive “what if” mood – “What Might Have Been” and “Unanswered Prayers.”
I heard both on the radio this morning.